I had my first "girlfriend" was some time during 5th or 6th grade. Debbie Stearns was her name, and to this day I don't know why we were together. I have a feeling it was more of a dare than anything. I believe my peers goaded me into it, like, "C'mon, you have to have a girlfriend!" I was not comfortable holding hands, but yet there I was--probably for the sake of others--holding hands with this girl I had mixed feelings for.
She was a very nice girl, and pretty too. I also remember her as being one of the earliest in the school to develop boobs. Maybe that had something to do with the whole thing. It wouldn't surprise me. Being in 6th grade meant there were a lot of puberty things being tumbled around inside me I'm sure. I probably stared and girls a lot, probably made rude comments just to be funny, and probably took liberties when I felt reckless. For example, I remember getting into trouble one time for snapping a girl's bra strap. Being the oldest kid in the family meant I had to learn how to interact with the opposite sex all by myself, and I know I bumbled badly. I was typical clueless adolescent boy.
I was an outgoing kid when there were multiple people around me (kind of in 'show-off' mode), but one-on-one was where I fell apart. Not only was I insecure, I also had no idea of what to say, what to do, or how things are supposed to progress. I had no idea about any of it, nor did I have anyone to ask--certainly not my parents! That's probably why I had so many missed opportunities during the course of my life. When it comes to girls and women I never got any confidence until I was probably 40 or 45 years old, and it was like I was just whacked over the head with the sudden feeling of being comfortable around women. Funny how that works. I got it when I couldn't use it, but couldn't find it anywhere within when I really needed it.
It really is true when they say, "If I only knew then what I know now..."
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